The past year has been one for the books. In the sense that it's been crazy and dumb and unimaginable as well as tragic. Some of us have lost people close to us, others lost their jobs and some even parts of their childhood.
I have been working with children for many years, more then 12 years to be exact. So I know thing of two about how kids operate. However after this past year I have seen a shift in the way kids interact and behave.
What I noticed is that children between the ages of three and five are much more dependent on adults. When the school year began I noticed many of the children in my care were reserved and needed much guidance. Their sense of independence had lessened. They expected the adults in the room to be doing most of the work for them. They complained, were easily bored and even a bit territorial. And eventhough they played with other children they really wanted adult interaction.
I'm saying all of this because the pandemic has affected many of us, but in particular our children. As a mom I can tell you first hand how worried I was when we had to go into quarantine. My oldest was only two years old and I had a new born a week after quarantine began.
Before the quarantine my two year old was going to child care about four days a week. He had plenty of social interaction with other children and was becoming a very self sufficient and dependent little boy. However when the pandemic hit and schools closed we were stuck at home with nothing to do. I bought as many activities as I could but that didn't match to the physical and social emotional interactions he was used to having at school.
During the quarantine I found myself doing everything for him. I felt like I had to be his best friend because who else would be? It was me and him. Who else could play with him?
So like every parent during this time of fear and uncertainty I coddled my child. I made him dependent on me, I made him whatever he wanted and played into his fits. I knew it wasn't good but I was home and my husband was working and what the hell else was a suppose to do during a wold wide pendemic?
If this was you I understand, we did what we could with the situation we were given. Now we are facing a different challenge. The challenge of implementing boundaries and expectations for our children. Now hear me out on this one. Many of the children during this time lost their sense of healthy boundaries and expectations. The line was blurred between what was acceptable at home and what was acceptable at school. It's hard to differentiate when school is happening in the living room table.
Along with this, social isolation did a disservice to many of the young children between ages two to five. This period of time is when a child tests their boundaries and those of their peer. This is when children begin to form friendships, it's also the time they establish their boundaries. Let me give you an example. If your two year old is at the park and another child comes up and tries to take away her toy, she will probably retaliate, say "mine" or look to you for guidance. From then on she would start to build a sense of what she likes and dislikes. That would create some of her boundaries and expectations. But what happens when your child has to be far away from other children for 2 months or 6 months, or even a year?
That is the situation I am currently seeing. Now not all of the children are dealing with this. Some children have been able to get into the swing of things right away. They only seem to have forgotten their manners but that can quickly be fixed.
It seems the longer children have been away from others the harder it is to build friendships and to join in large groups. But don't panic! It's normal, it will take time and it will take effort from your part to help your child out.
I am no expert on the matter I am only talking about my experiences and observations. However I do have some advice to share.
Helpful Advice
Ask your child what they like or dislike and share what you like or dislike. It opens the conversation about setting boundaries.
Set boundaries for yourself as the adult and practice them. Your child will learn from you and begin so set their own boundaries.
Remind your child of the different expectations at home and at school.
Make or revisit house rules and why they are important.
The most important.... stop doing things for your child that your child can do for themselves.
Wishing you the best!
B.
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